Whatever relationship you form with your peers, always and inevitably, it has to do with what you usually have with yourself.
The concept of self-esteem, so taken and brought in recent times, derives from what we feel about our way of being or the aspect we present in our physique, and that conceptual scheme determines the type of treatment we give ourselves and that we give to others.
It can be said, without delving into the definition, that people with low self-esteem are those who qualify with denigrative adjectives or who feel they are not attractive to others and who, in general, do not seem to be on their way to personal success.
This type of individual tends to establish relationships of hard self-criticism with himself and it is easy for him to accept any recrimination or negative signaling that may come from the external environment, however unjustified it may be. Thus, when he is involved in a couple, he often tries to ratify that the other does not love him or that that person is secretly unhappy with him (or her).
If you can verify that there is some level of dissatisfaction in your partner, you immediately conclude that the whole relationship is in danger and may fall into a position depressive or try to cut the link drastically.
In cases in which, low self-esteem contains pathological elements, the individual can "detect" that their partner is planning to leave and anticipates disqualifying them to better tolerate abandonment, or abandoning it before the other takes that initiative.
The person in a loving bond with someone of low self-esteem, often strives to make him see that things are not as he (she) sees them. He does his best to reassure him and show him more affection, which not only does not achieve his purpose, but often obtains an opposite result. The depressive what deduces from this behavior is that they feel sorry for him or that it is simply another form of deception to hide what his partner really thinks of him (her). From this reasoning it can be depressed more isolated, or continue in its eagerness to ratify the contempt that, according to him, is held.
Little by little, that style of interaction is undermining the basis of the relationship and producing a unbearable tense weather, which can lead to the final break.
When this point is reached, the character in question has all his fears materialized and gets in touch with his low value as a person, plunging into a deep melancholy or an enormous rage against whom until recently he was the object of his passion .
The people with low self-esteem they suffer terribly when they have to separate and powerful rivals arise in their minds that will take their position in assault in the couple's affection, at the same moment they move away.
Their jealousy is constant and to try to calm them they harass the other person with questions or accusations lacking any foundation.
They need a lot of reinsurance and never seem to be at peace with their sentimental life. They suffer from chronic insecurity which is reflected in almost all acts of life and especially expressed in the area of sexuality. They feel extremely depressed if their partner is not particularly active or excited by their body appearance or their love skills. This can lead them to excessively raise their anguish and as a consequence, decrease their sexual appetite, or create a dysfunction, with the consequent vicious circle that will certainly not help to obtain the expected satisfaction.
On the other end are those who have high self-esteem. These generate fewer problems, especially when their level of well-being is maintained in logical and rewarding degrees for both in the couple.
Problems arise when positive self-perception transcends to degrees of narcissistic complacency. and the individual begins to fill with hot air and ascend like a vanity balloon, leaving his companion (or) relegated to a second or third plane.
The narcissists they do not seek in a relationship the gratification of the other but their own. They often establish relationships of power or domination, in which they have to be the center of attention or the recipients of all flattery.
If the couple has some notable attributes and that they do not possess, They seek to reduce them with severe and unfair criticism. If the other's personal virtues are revealed or exalted in some social event or by other types of external comments, their response is usually spiteful withdrawal, passive aggression or open sabotage. They can make their partners feel guilty and harass them with disqualifications and artisan reproaches, claiming that they have become seductive towards others and that their behavior, in many ways is harmful to the proper functioning of the couple.
Narcissists are colorful and attractive people and therefore, at first their negative characteristics are not very visible. Then, and perhaps too late now, exacerbated selfishness begins to appear, the craving for power and a great tendency towards manipulation and infidelity, which they feel is a right.
The couple of a narcissist he rarely realizes his initial dreams and very often he finds immense disappointments in his hopes.
In sexual life, for example, satisfaction is conditioned to the degree of admiration he receives for his execution. If the narcissist believes that pleasing his partner widely in all his erotic desires will attract him a kind of award as the "best athlete of the year", he will seek at all costs the proof that he has achieved his goal. For this purpose, he submits his partner to interrogations about the high peaks of pleasure he has achieved and will try to reassure himself that no one in the life of the other can be compared.
Any demonstration to the contrary, or any sign of dissatisfaction that you may perceive, will make you feel threatened and will seek to claim urgently, either with new adventures or with the usual disqualifying attacks on others.
The narcissistic person, on the other hand lies brazenly and many times the lies cannot be discovered because for them they are nothing but particular truths that they say with the certainty of the real fact.
At the time of a separation is when major difficulties appear. If the couple, tired of receiving denigrations and disrespect decides to leave the relationship, it is most likely to wake up in the narcissist an alarm system such that it leads to a tireless persecution. Within this range it can be found from those who seek to awaken compassion, showing themselves as innocent victims of their partner's love detachment and trying to make the other person feel guilty, to the one who takes repressive actions, which may include physical aggression or homicidal attempt
There are variants derived from the different personal modalities, but in general, the ends of the poles of self-esteem are highly dangerous for the couple's relationship.
It is convenient to review the aspects related to our self-image and that of others, as well as the mechanisms we use to choose the couple and detect in time the signs of emotional pathology that may exist, both in ourselves and in those we choose to share Our affection and our life.
César Landaeta H.