At first, you don't think it's not there, you don't accept it, the memories are too close, they seem to infect you, even if they are really only intangible memories. You are with the "emotional inertia of time."
Soon the abyss arrives, it is when you are more aware of the present, of thelost. You feel like a fighter without weapons. The abyss is there and you have to pass it sooner or later, when the emotions come out is when you have to go, or rather fall, in that abyss that has been pending. It is necessary to know and explore it, alone.
Somewhat later, the loss is accepted, and emotions spurt, like stones through a metal pipe that must let them go. There is a lot of pain, since the experiences are so recent, it seems that memories can be lived again, but you are there, being aware of the absence.
Later you learn that all suffering is necessary. You can come to an understanding of life that gives a spiritual meaning. You get to “taste the suffering”, this is something that was considered taboo until recently, and that only seems to be tolerated, nowadays, precisely in duels and with a certain license (if possible professional).
When memories appear, a personal, spiritual moment occurs, time passes more slowly and everything is valued in another way, it is as if you connect with something wiser and bigger, with Life. The connection is a strong relief, in the absence of the presence of those who are no longer there.
Remembering, we visualize, and the imagination makes us feel that the person is right here, the mind then relaxes and generates liberating sensations that can help keep moving forward. It can be automatic or it can be taken by habit, like a drug, that we want to control by dose little by little at specific times when we know we need it, although the control is illusory. It transforms into a temporary exhaust valve.
The scar remains, it is always there, it is never forgotten, but now we see that it has a certain beauty. The memory is diluted over time, experiences accumulate and the surface is covered, forming an emotional base not only of pain but of the transit through that duel. Time does not have the power to change that emotional base, but it does protect and cover it so that it remains at a deep level and that we can continue to manage different emotions necessary to live.
Sharing experiences among people in the same situation helps a lot to understand. Some understanding is necessary beyond the usual logic. However, it is traveled alone, in a manner and at the rhythm of each one. Although the loss is shared by people with a very close bond, their emotions are only shared at special times and are socially taboo, since shared sadness, as if it were a bad thing, is still frowned upon. As if they could share moments of joy in common, but not of sadness. Something similar happens with the thought you had when you saw the title, "Why am I going to read this post if it talks about something bad?" It is natural to think about it, because that is what they have taught us.
Maybe having it as a taboo subject is not as natural as we think, death is natural and always occurs. Perhaps if someone loses a loved one and wants to share something, they are waiting to be heard and not judged according to what a society full of problems presupposes.
Society is sicker than any of us. He is just waiting for us to improve it.